“Continue to enjoy the love bubble!” With a friend’s messages.
“Enjoy this time after dedication, it’s so special to be in a little happy bubble,” another said.
Whatsapps as this continued to rolle – and, while deeply appreciating the abundance of love from every message, everyone gently tightens the thin knot in my chest. I had just been committed. And while I was – and I am! – Excited to get married, somehow I felt like “making the commitment” all wrong.
I couldn’t really be happier when my friend went down to a knee a few weeks ago. We were on a stay in England. The beach was empty and, despite the warning of bad weather, with no rain. It took the perfect time and I have never experienced a greater increase in joy than in these few seconds, when I realized what he was doing.
We went to a pub, we had some champagne and apparently took care of our parents. I was walking in the air. I continued to look at the ring on my finger and the words “married”, “wife” and “marriage” continued to confuse me, small exacerbations of happiness.
When we returned to our accommodation, I began to feel small, inexplicable stress twinges. We were both exhausted and we had a festive dinner that was held that night, so my fiancé had a nap while I ran a bath.
As I ran water, stress continued to build – and I couldn’t understand it. There was no part of me who didn’t want to deal with my partner. I love him more than anything and I can’t wait to get married. But the waves of concern continued to rolle me over. And, as I looked at the water flowing from the fountain to the bath, I suddenly felt incredibly young. It was a strange feeling-I was weird nostalgia for my parents’ house, the low panic and overwhelmingly tired.
But I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. “Shouldn’t I be over the moon without interruption?” I was worried.
We had a wonderful night that night and a great meal with his parents the next day – but even though the stress had gone, the feeling of “making it wrong” continued. We had a five -hour move back to London and I thought we should definitely talk about commitment and marriage all the way home. But we were exhausted by all the emotion and ended up listening to quite episodes Deserts. It was exactly what we needed – and I know now – but at that moment, I kept thinking, “Shouldn’t we be in full dedication?”
We took home on Sunday night and went straight to work on Monday morning. I taught a class of 8 am Pilates and then I made a 3-6 office shift. We had a dinner with my family that night, which was great – showing my ring on my mom was incredibly special – but I was overflowing the mountain of work I had to do the next day.
I couldn’t move the feeling that I was still “wrong” and that we had to celebrate more. The messages from my friends were flooded and I was grateful for them, but every time someone mentioned the word “bubble”, I would think, “What a bubble?” I was still incredibly happy, but I didn’t feel a cocoon in some kind of nest of love after being involved. We were both simply alternating between work and cleaning fat stains from the baking pans.
I’m not sure where I got the idea that we had to highlight our commitment with a weekly (at least) celebration. No one said we should spend the seven days after the Happy event mentioned. I think I had seen so many friends spend the days immediately after their commitments that have bent in their new reality and stayed at the idea of ”week after the involvement” as a specified period of time that would never happen again. And I couldn’t stop worrying that, spending the week stuck on my laptop, this (completely fantastic) specified time slowly slipped from under my feet.
On Wednesday, my partner came out to celebrate with some friends while teaching a class at home. I finished until 8:00 pm And I spent the rest of the night sitting in my house alone. “This is not right,” I thought. It wasn’t that I thought my partner should be at home with me – I encouraged him to go out with his friends – but I realized that I had to organize something for myself.
When my fiancé arrived at home, I tried to tell him how I felt-I was worried that we had to do more to signal this unique week-but they were mixed with all the feelings of “doing it wrong” were feelings of guilt. I wasn’t sure I had to tell him something from that. I emphasized how grateful I was to him for organizing such a perfect proposal. I knew he had put many hours in the weekend organization and I wouldn’t want anything to be different. I tried to make it clear that I was in person personally, let it slip through my fingers after the commitment. That was nothing that was wrong.
I still feel a general version of this guilt now while typing this. I went to wedding after the wedding when I was single and I hope beyond hope that I will have my own wedding one day. But at that moment, this possibility seemed incredibly remote. If I had read an article like this then, I would feel unhappy and frustrated by having to move through a negative flow of consciousness from someone who didn’t know how lucky he was.
But, in a way, it was just because I wanted this for so long that I was determined to make the most of it.
My partner listened to me. He (right) said that he thought that I was very focused on making the commitment in a certain way when it was actually different for everyone – but it was more than happy to build more festive time.
The next night, we illuminated candles at home and started writing an original list of visitors to our new notebook. Already, this felt different from an average night at home, which was the only thing I was really longing anyway. I just wanted things to feel different from the rule. At night, we went to our favorite restaurant for dinner and unfold with champagne. And we spent the rest of the weekend celebrating with friends.
Now, it is obvious where these emotions came from the night of our commitment. It was the first day of my period – when I am usually curved at home with a heating pillow that feels that the world is running out – in combination with adrenaline waves of suggestion and alcohol we had earlier. I’m not doing well with any of these things at the best of moments, let alone when everyone is mixed together. It was no surprise that I felt oscillating. Now, I feel foolish to stress so much.
In the end, I was excited to participate and that was all that mattered. We can celebrate whenever we want. We did not need to spend the week immediately after promoting the proposal on champagne, radiating and holding hands without interruption and talking about nothing but wedding color designs.
But equally, I’m glad I got stock, it was honest with my partner and I really did a point, really living right now. We may have to build the scaffolding for the “devotion bubble”, building around a busy work week – but I am grateful to do it.
After all, this week after involvement occurs only once.
Like what do you see? What would you say for a while R29, here?
I got dedicated and went to a romantic getaway – alone
We closed our commitments – and we celebrated it
