Although they never insisted on it, I got the feeling that my parents wanted my brother and I to go to college. My dad only finished eighth grade, but he was a voracious reader. My mom attended a semester of nursing school and dropped out. then he did a year in college. They were small farmers and I knew they had little money for it – which meant that if I went, I would have to earn a lot of that money myself. I have been fortunate enough to win scholarships and bursaries. I also worked whatever job I could find in college, including babysitting, house cleaning, secretarial work for an accountant during tax time, working in a pick-your-own apple orchard, and picking up the trash in the college cafeteria on Sundays. My parents were kind enough to help with the rest, bless them. Until my junior year, I went from home and worked as a waitress and spent the summer as an au pair for missionary cousins in Austria. Most recently, I moved in with friends off campus and was a backpacking/rock climbing guide in New Hampshire the summers before and after. I also continued to pick up whatever jobs I could find, including tutoring and typing papers for students. I also taught a college children’s literature class (yes, as a student) and managed the Children’s Book Fair, a large conference the college hosted each year. During breaks and holidays I worked in a hardware store. One spring break, I helped install lightning rods in the Michigan Tech University gymnasium. Perfect experiences for a budding writer. I wanted to go on to graduate school, intending to go into publishing. I was accepted to the University of Michigan, which meant in-state tuition. Parents said they would cover it if I could take care of living expenses. I got a job living with a professor’s family. I cleaned their house, babysat their daughter, and occasionally helped cater and serve at parties. In return, I lived in the attic (like Cinderella!) rent-free and got one meal a day — two if I came home at noon and walked the dog. A generous friend boarded a nearby community and was asking me to eat with him. I also ate at a Chinese restaurant that served a medium bowl of fried rice for only $1.25. One day D., an engineering student recently returned from the navy, shared my table — and I married him. I graduated debt-free (thanks, Mom and Dad!) and got married a week after receiving my final grad paper. Six years of service in the Navy gave D. access to GI Bill funds. We were very free with concerts, movies and going out to eat, instead of keeping things tight like I had done for years. He graduated with $10,000 in student loans, but we paid it off over the next five years or so.
Growing up, what kind of money conversations did you have? Did your parents/guardians educate you about finances?
From the beginning, my parents were very open about not having much – and about stretching it. (Because my dad was Dutch, we called it “being a good Dutchman”. Then we’d brag about bargains or whine about being “poor and needy”.) Mum and Dad didn’t insist or even suggest it, but my brother and I knew if we wanted things, we had to work for them — so we did. I remember they took me to the bank to open a savings account and they suggested that I split my money: 50% in the bank (for college), 10% for donation and the rest for expenses. This worked so well that my first year of college was largely paid for from these funds. Even though we can’t put in 50% today (I wish!), we’ve decimated 10% of our income consistently, and can usually save 10%-25%, depending on expenses that month. D and I have kept our money together in the same accounts since our marriage 42.5 years ago, although we have separate accounts that we use to buy stocks. Both sets of parents have been extremely generous over the years, helping with their money and time. They also loaned us money now and then, which we paid back with interest (our choice, not theirs). After my dad died, we started sending Mom $50 a month, under the theory that she needed “fun money” (he was really trying to pay her back for the sacrifices they had made paying for my college). We also hired her a bi-monthly house cleaner. We increased the monthly payment to $100 during her senior year and secretly paid for many of her household expenses as well. I was lucky to find a husband who said, “She’s my mom too… And we’ll take care of her.”
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I’ve been babysitting since I was little; My little brother and I also sold raspberries and sweet corn from a stand in front of our farm. I occasionally cleaned the house for people, helped my mom with catering gigs (funerals and weddings), did the haymaking and other farm work. When I was 15 I got a job at the local hardware store, four days a week after school (Thursday was a day off) and all day on Saturday. I worked on this throughout high school and during college breaks and undergrad vacations. Fond memories are rekindled every time I smell this unique blend of plumbing tools and accessories, fertilizers, grease…and farmers.
Were you worried about money growing up?
Not really. If you know money is tight to get started, there’s not much to worry about. As mentioned, I knew from a young age that if I wanted something, I would have to work for it. But so did my parents. Sometimes I felt jealous of my cousins, who had much more money. At Christmas they got about five skirts and sweaters, and I got one. Ironically, as adults they ended up far less financially secure than our family.
Are you worried about money now?
I’ve gotten over my worries, especially when D. got sick and switched from being a mechanical engineer to driving a school bus — about a 75% drop in income. And our children were still quite young. Although he eventually moved into education and IT for the school transportation department, his income never recovered. we lived on $20,000 a year for decades. I was working in editorial at a quilting magazine, which helped bridge the gap. My own business grew steadily during the lean years and that helped too. Plus, growing up the way I did, I tend to be extremely frugal during tough times. Am I worried about money now? Not really — except for keeping a certain amount in the bank account. (“Just in case,” I tell myself.) Thanks to D.’s Social Security and pension, his income is higher than when he was working. Go figure.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and have a financial safety net?
Mom and Dad took such good care of me and my brother, even though there was rarely money for extras. We did, however, have fresh vegetables and meat that only farms can provide, and my mom was a wizard seamstress. Other than the applause from cousins, I don’t think I bought a dress from the store until high school. Up until then I tried hard not to ask them for money, to the point where I worked in the high school cafeteria for free lunch (my brother did too). Other than college expenses (see above) and a bunch of canned goods/food here and there in high school, I was pretty much independent at 17 and a half. About six years ago, D. and I sold our house – which had greatly appreciated in value – and moved into a 32-foot 5th wheel trailer (the profit from the house went into annuities and our investment fund). My family – dozens of cousins, aunts / uncles, etc. – decided to move into the trailer because we were “broke”, which amused us. A friend offered us a guard position on his ranch and that’s where we stayed most of the time. This left us traveling, volunteering for Ethnos360 in Arizona (a training base for missionary pilots), and temporarily moving to Michigan to care for my mom during her final illness. Last summer, we started looking for a more permanent place and found a house and 10 acres up in the mountains. We moved there in November of last year and were able to pay cash for it — except for $20,000, which we borrowed from A. and K., our youngest daughter and son-in-law. (We could have paid in full, but D. insisted we needed an emergency fund. He was right.) That loan is about $5,000 (yes, we pay interest). The fifth wheel is still parked in our yard. We would use it for more trips if gas prices weren’t so expensive. But I guess it’s also kind of a safety net. we could sell the house and move back into it if needed. Our kids use it occasionally, but we plan to sell it eventually. We also have an avalanche trailer, currently filled with household furniture, in Michigan. we plan to receive it in the next few months. It could also be sold if needed. We also have the annuities, which are meant to add to our final estate, but will also help cover care facilities if we eventually need them. We regularly have money in our emergency fund. it is currently at Lending Club, which is gaining more interest. I like to keep at least $5,000 in there. D. prefers $10,000. But we had some truck repairs this year that needed to be paid for.
Do you have or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If so, please explain.
When my maternal grandmother died, my brother and I each got a set of downhill skis — that was a big deal for us. When D.’s mom (another careful spender) died, we received more than $250,000. This allowed us to pay off the house we owned at the time, get a new vehicle, take a few vacations with the girls, pay for some college, and buy several years of service credits in the public school system for D. (This allowed him to (retired at age 60, which was a godsend.) We also saved a good chunk of money for retirement. My mother died in early 2022. Dad died at least 12 years earlier. They had frugally saved a substantial amount, but almost all of it was spent on mom’s care, rehabilitation, and hospital expenses. (She was very ill the last year of her life. We moved 1,800 miles to Michigan and stayed at her home for six months. We cared for her at home and then visited almost every day until she died.) After she died, we inherited about $40,000. plus a share of the sale of the family farm to my nephew: about $125,000. Some of that money went to each of our daughters and their spouses/partners. It also helped pay for our current home.
