Getting married was never part of my vision. I was busy with a lifetime with solo flights, economic autonomy and career success. When my fiancé and I decided to say “I do it”, he did not lead from the need to control another framework in the list of life’s obligations. It was because I found someone whose ambitions match my own, someone who saw the partnership not as a tradition, but as two full lives coming together.
A recent study Even quantifying what many of us already know: Latinos is more likely than any other demographic in the US to feel committed to traditional gender roles in wedding, “Be beautiful, do housework and start a family”. However, here I am – a recently devoted Boricua woman – ready to say “yes” to my own terms.
Growing up, the media is married to the final target, a finish line sealed in a beautiful white lace dress and endless florals. Every movie coming at age seemed to indicate that I too should dream of my wedding day and my second career. But I never felt this pressure from my family. The focus has always been a fully independent woman, alone for myself, so I was hunting for other success indicators: stamps on my passport, starting my own business and buying my first property. The idea of spending thousands only one night hit me as frivolous when my time and money were dedicated to my ambitions.
“The focus was always a fully independent woman, alone for myself, so I was hunting for other success indicators: stamps in my passport, starting my own business and buying my first property.”
Victoria Leandra
The marriage was not in my developer until I looked at the man next to me and I thought, “With the right person, that’s something I could see for myself.” It was then that I realized that marriage was not a show of sacrifice or obedience. It could be a cooperation of equals, a mutual commitment that honors each person’s identity.
As a travel journalist and content creator who really loves to travel, but also lives to do so, one of the first misunderstandings I encountered was the idea that a married woman needed permission to travel. Friends and relatives asked, “Does it let you leave alone?” As if I needed the “ok” to live my life. In fact, he is often on the way to work, and I wouldn’t dream of a small business on his route. We plan to run our household in communication, not in rights. We are two autonomous people who choose to explore – together or solo – without sacrificing our independence. I like to think that traveling separately allows us to lose each other.
“The marriage was not in my developer until I looked at the man next to me and I thought,” with the right person, that’s something I could see for myself. “
Victoria Leandra
Another expectation I struggled with was the automatic name change. “I don’t change my name,” I told him. And then I suggested something even more radical: “Why not invent a new surname that belongs to both of us?” Even this tiny question felt explosive, a statement that this marriage belongs to us, and not to the genealogy we inherit or patriarchy.
In Latin households, women usually cook and care for children while men provide. However, in our home, jobs flow organically. We both cook, both clean, and both do washing machine. We are not default in gender roles for the sake of the following delivery. Instead, we honor each other’s strengths.
Marriages can feel like participating in a huge family network, where they are not only united with a partner, but also become part of a whole genealogy. But I want to start our family, playing with our own “marriage rules”, such as the choice of where we want to spend the holidays as opposed to defaming in a particular home. Yes, we love our families, but we also set boundaries and prioritize our nuclear cooperation when we need.
“In popular housewives, women usually cook and care for children, while men provide, but in our home, their jobs flow organically, and we both cook, and we both clean and we are laundry, we are not defaults to leave for the sake of the following.
Victoria Leandra
The moment the date of the wedding is whisper, so it is “and” el el bebé, pa ‘cuándo? “-This that marriage comes hand in hand with parental care. But I refuse to let this question determine my timetable. When I was asked, I smile and say,” not now, maybe later. “But I also say,” Do you help them? ”
From the money conversations to the career changes, we have wondered any unpleasant question under the sun: “Who pays the bills?” “Who handles investment?” “What if any of us wants to move abroad?” By discussing these issues, we remove the shame about money and the dynamics of power. Money is not a control tool, but a common resource that enables us both. We made decisions together, as it equals each other’s contributions.
“As Latina, I honor my heritage and the traditions that shaped me, but I also choose which parts of this heritage to carry.
Victoria Leandra
In many Latin communities, marriages are Grand Productions, a way to present social status and family pride. But the size of our visitors’ list or the luxury of our decoration is not a measure of our love. Our destination wedding will be a party for our people, not a status symbol for viewers.
Finally, I have heard countless stories of latent dissatisfaction when a wife’s dreams were awaited by her marriage or children. Long before the kids, I have already discussed how we can ensure that I do not feel this way if or when the time comes. I haven’t softened my edges or I didn’t put my ambitions porque Calladita no soy más bonita. For me, marriage should upload and celebrate our identity instead of deleting it.
As Latina, I honor my heritage and the traditions that shaped me, but I also choose which parts of this heritage will convey. Marriage is not a scenario I have to follow. It is a story we co-write. And so I choose. I choose love with my terms, cooperation with our terms and life with our terms. This means redefining marriage as Latina today.
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