I have to have Invisalign and to say I’m not very excited would be an understatement. I see this as a necessary evil and in this post I wanted to outline a few things about the whole process that I don’t care about. But first, some background:
A few years ago, my dentist (dentist number one) told me I needed to strengthen some of my front teeth before they suddenly broke in a completely horrible way when I least expected it. While biting into an apple, for example.
Losing my front teeth horribly is one of my most frequent nightmares (not sure what that’s supposed to represent, psychologically) so I went to dentist number two to get a second opinion.
Dentist number two also said that the composites needed to be placed at the back of the teeth to prevent them from becoming weak, but he also occasionally mentioned that there was no real space to place them and that braces would be needed to make the space before any tooth – could be restored.
Bloody hell! A prop; After forty? I honestly didn’t realize it was such a thing. I assumed that braces were for teenagers and that once you reached the proper adulthood, you put yourself through the orthodontist stone just for cosmetic reasons.
Dentist number three (was a bit like Blind date but with three highly-earned contestants wearing face masks, an episode I’d be totally behind) who said the above was true and that while we weren’t in a panic stage, e.g. we were only eating jelly and ice cream In case my teeth suddenly crumbled out of my mouth, we should really continue this.
That was three years ago.
It took me three whole years to get it together and properly start my Invisalign journey. What’s wrong with me? Where is the sense of urgency? It makes me wonder what I would do if someone told me I had to go and get a leg brace fitted or my leg might fall off. If this weird (very definitely imaginary) situation existed, would I do the right thing and take myself to the numerous outpatient appointments and scans and x-rays and so on? Or should I say, “Nahthis sounds like faff and nothing hurts yet, and i put it in the back of my mind?
Who knows. All I will say is this: I am strongly opposed to anything that adds extra stress to my life. So I keep my nails relatively short, no hair extensions, only do my hair once a week, no facelifts or injectables, refused to wear contact lenses. (Laser eye surgery positions is it’s coming, by the way. I’m just waiting for a background check.) I will not voluntarily do anything that further complicates my day unless medically necessary.
I don’t like Faf
So the concept of Invisalign, which requires you to wear plastic retainers over your teeth for twenty-two hours a day, cut out snacks, brush your teeth (and the retainers) thoroughly after each meal, and put the retainers on in a blue carbonated solution every day, was borderline obnoxious. Add to all this the idea that my teeth might hurt and that I might not enjoy eating as much (“people sometimes lose a whole stone just because they can’t be bothered to eat!”) and I wasn’t so enthusiastic about having braces that I just put the whole episode to the back of my mind and decided to revisit it later in life. Maybe in the seventies.
Once one of my front teeth started to turn a slightly different color, I was concerned. What in God’s name is going on here? I thought. Is this a precursor to the dreaded breakout? Am I safe to eat Wham bars anymore? To hit pretzels on the head? (I lost a tooth to a bagel in 2002, still with minor injuries.) I went back to dentist three, who was by far my favorite – strict manner and capable, no-nonsense hands – and he just repeated what he had told me years before. I needed to give him space to straighten things out – braces first and then it would be off.
No aesthetic change
There was no way around it. Annoying, because not one part of me wanted to dive into braces for a year. My options were to have metal bonded braces or removable Invisalign aligners. Both had their pros and cons. My problem with the whole thing was that – aside from not breaking my teeth – I couldn’t see anything upside down. I had to have braces purely for technical reasons and there would be very little aesthetic change. It wasn’t like I was coming out the other side with a set of wood chips like, I don’t know, Tom Cruise.
Sidenote: I don’t actually crave Hollywood teeth. I’ve always been very happy with my own set, gap and all, and I’m not a fan of overly perfected smiles. But you know what I mean. Having braces would be the dental equivalent of having a whole new heating system installed during a home renovation. Necessary, but devastatingly expensive for something you’d never actually do I see.
You don’t like inconvenience
I realize I’ve been looking at this all the wrong way, I do, I’m just being honest: spending nine months to a year feeling deeply uncomfortable and hurt and having nothing tangible to show for it at the end seemed vaguely pointless and annoying. Anyway, I’m over it now. I did not do it I want Invisalign but now I have them. Just put the aligners on for the first time and as I type this I’m waiting for the infamous “starting pains” to start.
WTF Are Attachments About?
Something I didn’t realize about Invisalign: they have pebble-sized attachments attached to some of your teeth, which I assume help the aligner trays fit snugly. What the hell? They feel bulky! When you eat, you think you have food all over your teeth, but it’s the adhesions, but it’s also not just the adhesions because the food he’s got they actually stick around, so each bite requires a lingering tongue and poke with a fingernail. Arugula salads and anything with chopped herbs will do outside. My mom will be happy. finally her ‘stews and soups and slow cooker’ recipe book will be put to good use…
Anyway, I’ll be back and let you know. I’ve already ordered chews, removal tools, and polish remover tablets from Amazon, so it’s all still vaguely exciting, like I bought a new house pet. The world’s most boring pet. This should live in my mouth.
Here’s a video I made of a proper old braces moaner:
