“Icks” are all over the internet. What frustrates us—that inexplicable and sudden feeling of disgust and creepiness—has taken up plenty of real estate on TikTok. If you search the word on the app, you’ll find lists and lists of things people say are unexpected dating bargains, like “ankle socks” or “fake laughter” or “ordering a steak” or “pushing a door that’s supposed to some spikes are obvious (a bad tipper), others are more specific (when a man holds an umbrella and the wind blows it inside out). has become more popular than discussing what turns us on — and it’s not just because the thirst for openly main has become too mainstream (we get it, Glenn Powell is a global heartthrobAnd that’s how it is Janelle Monae; you’re not special), but because they’re so weird and precise.
I find odd specific openings equally fascinating. Sure, here at Unbothered, we’ve been known to derail a meeting with a rant about how hot Michael B. Jordan is (that’s me, that’s “we”), but the conversations that really derail us are the ones about how The our real turn is the scene inside Creed when Adonis pulls out Bianca’s braids (it’s me again, I’m “ours”). So you get the mission: we present the unconventional things and/or people who match our freak (thank you Tinashe!). We try to find the intangible objects (sometimes, literal objects) of thirst that may be specialized or unique to our own needs. Someone Damson Idris he can be someone else’s Seth Rogen (and vice versa they saw Seth recently? Points made!).
Joined by our guest editors, Hunter Harris and Peyton Dix, in celebration of Unbothered’s second annual Thirst Week, the team has gathered to select the people (or things) that turn us on. We are no longer only thirsty for nice abs or a chiseled jawline. Do they have good credit? A bed frame? Ability to spell words without autocorrect? The Unbothered team is looking for someone to match our freak. Here’s a thirst roadmap to get you started.
What Makes Me Horny: Men Who Encourage My Ugari…
“Listen, I’m a fan. Certified. I’ll talk to someone about anything and everything if they’ll let me. Usually, men love to talk about women and many don’t want to hear what we have to say. Well, I absolutely love it when a man not only lets me laugh for a long time, but encourages it. I love me as a “tell me more” guy. If he lets me move, I’m thirsty, really bad! Baby, should I call the car now or did you get it?’
• Female bass players
• Elite taste in music
• Dancing (well) at parties
• A man willing to help take out my braids
— Christa Eduafo, Social Content Strategist
What makes me horny: No posting
“Men must be seen and not heard, and under no circumstances must they be read. Social media is for women lashing out at each other in comments and the occasional joke about how Osama Bin Laden should have been a dummy. None of these platforms require a guy to … what exactly … start a sentence that includes the phrase “b2b?” Gosh let me see your opinion on women’s business. The sexiest thing a man can do is stay silent. Express yourself with likes. Retweet a sensible political point and move on.”
• The voice of Austin Butler
• Young Mazino is everything
• My friend’s cologne that I’m famous for concierge
• The new Dyson liquid vac (sexier than the void itself is if Dyson gifted me one)
– Hunter Harris, Thirst Week Guest Editor
What makes me horny: Marcus from The bearit’s his hood
“I know his appeal Of the bear Marcus (played by former member of Odd Future Lionel Boyce) is not peculiar or specialized. Everyone loves Marcus! But the way I love him too Why it is special. I love Marcus’ little green (sometimes red?) bean. The man should not be able to wear this bouquet in a kitchen. It’s unhealthy! I don’t care, I want it (and him) on my head. I love Marcus’ soft-spoken, hyper-obsession with baked goods. I mean, think of what else he could focus on so hard! I love how excited he was to go to Copenhagen. I love the fact that the hood made it to Copenhagen too. I love how hot he looked in that nugget in Copenhagen. Will Poulter who? I love it like crazy Shippers SydCarmy waiting for something to happen that never will, i’m here knowing that marcus and sydney are the end game. I love how much he loved his mom. I love that it looks like a big teddy bear that I want to climb on. Well, I love Marcus for the same reasons everyone else does. Leave me be a basic horny bitch in peace.”
• Nice hands
• Participating in my delusion
• May cause fire
• A man in a musical (Zac Efron preferred, Taye Diggs will also be accepted)
• Good at trivia
• Megan Thee Stallion in cosplay
– Kathleen Newman-Bremang, Associate Director, Global
What makes me horny: TSA Precheck (+ efficient flying culture)
“For the record, I have Clear because I like playing the victim and I probably have some shame. But there’s nothing sexier than going through TSA seamlessly. Amex Lounge is a language of love. The word skymiles is sex. Don’t even get me started on something really freaking ugly… Global Entry.”
• Manny Jacinto’s jaw
• The NY Liberty mascot, Ellie Thee Elephant
• Good handwriting (bonus points for letters)
• This one barista who works at Corto in Bedstoy
– Peyton Dix, Thirst Week Guest Editor
What makes me horny: A “pisser”
“Oh, I love me a smart little weasel. Don’t worry, we don’t catch up that oblique. Where I’m from in the UK we like to ‘take the piss’ where we make fun of each other mercilessly and generally don’t take shit seriously (not to be confused with peeing). I’m not talking bad insults (I draw a line), just a flirty and playful four-four where we call each other “stupid cow” and “stupid cow” and then snog. Ok, of course love languages in the UK are weird, but to me they are So warm. Funnily enough, we HATE rants that make us look like idiots (ie: “you bros, are you taking the piss?!”). Nothing turns me on more than a sassy chump who knows how to take no nonsense, but also has a sharp, somewhat mischievous, British sense of humor (sarcastic, swearing like a sailor, great comedic timing). Some may call it “plays”, I call it foreplay…”
• Strong eyebrows (unibrows welcome)
• Gym musk
• Big spenders
• A cheeky wink
– L’Oréal Blackett, UK Editor
What makes me horny: Sleep
“Now I don’t mean someone who just wants to sleep (with me – see what I did there?). I mean I’m thirsty for SLEEP, the concept. As hereafter, I consider you sleep as my life partner. Because when you really think about it: sleep is sexy, sleep motivates me and I think about her all the time. I would do a hard Instagram launch with her and stop hanging out with friends for her. That’s how thirsty I am. She’s a tough mistress because she never gives me enough of her, but I’ll be damned if I don’t come back for more every night.”
• Gives good text
• A nice clean hat
• Quick braids
• Lauren London (duh. End of list. No explanation needed)
– Chelsea Sanders, vice president
What turns me on: Spiritual person
“I’m not saying you have to go to church every week, but if we can pray together and you’re out here praying for me, just take my last name now! I love a man who loves God more than anything else. It shows discipline, maturity and great value.”
• Goes to therapy
• He has a beard that joins
• A Dyson vacuum cleaner (so I know you’re serious about cleaning)
• A clean pair of Air Force 1’s
• A good R&B playlist
– Sandy Pierre, Branded Execution Manager
What makes me horny: My support Real Housewives obsession
“I’m a loyal fan of the Housewives of many franchises. I think of the new episodes as my Super Bowl every week, so my partner needs to take his binge-watching nights as seriously as I do. From reciting iconic taglines to discussing important moments in real time, my partner has to be as committed to the reality series as I am. ”
• Tattoos
• Sylvester Powell from All American: Homecoming
• Good writing (Love letters, random messages on sticky notes and personalized cards are my love language.)
– Giana Levy, Contributing Writer
Like what you see? How about something more R29, here?
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The Current State Of Thirst With Hunter & Peyton
These Black Women Revolutionized Celeb Thirst
