It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for*: my first book, How not to be a Supermodelis available for pre-order! Here!
A real book you can hold in your hands. Or, if you prefer my tones, hear them with your ears. You’ve enjoyed the revelatory updates of my life over the years and diligently read my farcical tales of woe (remember when I almost accidentally penetrated myself with a faucet?): now it’s time to let me take you all way back in 2001 when I was a simple mistake, leaving my law degree to become an instant rich and famous supermodel.
You could call How not to be a Supermodel a memoir, because I wrote it about myself and my memories and my experiences as a model in the noughties, but my God which makes it sound very serious. “Memoir” makes it sound like I wrote my book in 1800. In the living room, while her mother made the needle and Eliza practiced on the pianoforte.
And let me ask you this: would you think a memoir about accidentally going on a five-day luxury vacation with a man you didn’t know would be included? A memoir will usually have a chapter called? Body like an inflated penis? Or – hold on while I rustle my notes – I’m drunk and I’m not wearing knickers? No he wouldn’t.
So, yes, I wrote it about me, and yes, it’s set in the past, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that any painstaking soul-searching went into this book. Let’s not get the wrong end of the stick here. I didn’t write this while periodically sobbing into a linen handkerchief, dabbing my eyes when I got to the unbearable bits: this is a decade-long riot of the improbable scenarios and shocking events that life as a non-supermodel threw up, and it’s chaotic and confusing and funny and often ridiculous.
Pre-order How Not To Be A Supermodel
OK, there are touching moments. Of course there are. In fact, I was specifically told when I got the book deal that I had to include the pieces that would create something of a talking point. (As if unwittingly engaging in an impromptu sex show or falling into shark-infested waters wasn’t enough.) And so yes, I’ve included the hard bits as well as all the parts where you’ll probably spit out your coffee and embarrass yourself in the middle. mass transport.
But mostly this is a snort-inducing, highly accurate account** of all the ways I failed at being a supermodel. My obvious physical shortcomings, my personality flaws, and my uncanny ability to attract chaos and destruction into almost any situation.
You can pre-order How not to be a Supermodel now – the release date is August 29th. It has already been announced as THE ONLY BOOK YOU MUST READ THIS YEAR!*** and so I think it’s a pretty safe bet that you’ll love it. Pre-orders really do matter, obviously, so if you only click on one link I post, make it this one. I will forever be in your debt.
Pre-order your copy How not to be a Supermodel here
I’ll be back with more posts about the book and the process of writing it because it’s honestly been the best, most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my adult life. If you’ve been following me for a while, then you’ll know that writing was what I started doing at the end of my modeling career. Blogging was a very happy accident that took off into something great and I have a brilliant and rewarding social media career because of it, but I landed a book deal a long time ago****. It’s an appropriate “full circle” moment for me.
*with any luck
**as accurate as possible. Mostly accurate. Kind of accurate.
***I had to give this quote myself, because it is still too early to get away from another author. I tried to keep it subtle and classy.
****honestly, the number of people I’ve had to sleep with.
