Talking about mom burnout on the blog today.
Hello friends! I hope you’ve had a great morning so far. I’m meeting a friend for coffee and then working on some stuff for the Fit Team. If you haven’t joined us yet, you can join now and take advantage of the flash sale!!
For today’s post, I wanted to talk a little about mom burnout. While I am in a positive space with motherhood, there have definitely been times when I have felt overwhelmed and burned out. I wanted to dedicate this post to discussing mom burnout and share some of the things I’ve learned. Of course, I always love to hear your thoughts and opinions. I also recognize that as a mom, I am lucky and privileged in many aspects of life and I am grateful for all of them. There will always be those who have it better or worse than yourself. the best you can do is to have gratitude for the blessings in your life and compassion for those who are going through difficult times.
What exactly is mom burnout?
I think of it as a state of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion that most mums are likely to experience at some point in their lives. I’ve learned over time that several factors can contribute to mom burnout. It can happen when you’ve maximized your ability to care for others, and it can also come from the invisible emotional and mental burden mothers have to carry. Peer pressure, unrealistic expectations, and social media can also contribute to feelings of exhaustion, and I think it’s SO important for moms to fill their own cups first.
Mom burnout is not to be taken lightly. If not treated properly, maternal burnout can lead to even more serious health problems. If you feel you are suffering, please reach out and get the help you deserve. Please note that I am NOT a professional on this, just a mom who can relate to other moms experiencing burnout, sharing my story and things I’ve learned. You can absolutely love your kids like crazy and still deal with mommy burnout. It doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom. you just need a little extra TLC.
How to recover from mom burnout
Taking breaks and taking time to recharge
This can be so hard to do, especially if you have a tiny newborn. Take every opportunity you get to take a break and recharge, even if it’s for a short nap, a hot shower, or 10 minutes to stare blankly at the wall.
Speak it
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, whether you’re dealing with parenting burnout or life issues, it can be very helpful to talk about it. It can be with a trusted friend, partner, family members or a professional. The good news is that often just talking about your frustrations can feel like a burden has been lifted. Also, when you say things out loud, it’s easier to develop a plan of action or look at the situation objectively without so much emotion attached to it.
Prioritizing self-care
This can be difficult, especially when you are so dedicated to caring for others, but I am a big believer that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Making self-care a regular part of your routine is a great way to relieve stress. Keep in mind, it doesn’t have to be *all things*. it could be one thing you look forward to each week or each day. Some self-care ideas include attending your favorite weekly yoga class, a phone call with a friend, a hike or walk outside, reading a book, or taking a bubble bath.
Focus on the bare essentials
When you feel burned out, try to delete unnecessary tasks from your routine. This can be something like having a spotlessly clean house and crossing off all the items on your to-do list. Keeping other people alive, happy and fed is a huge task and, along with taking care of yourself, should be enough to give you a sense of accomplishment. You should feel proud of yourself without feeling like you need to do more. <3
Do something that makes you feel like YOU
This could be something like dusting off your ukulele, reading a book, a dinner date with your partner, meeting a friend for coffee, or a solo shopping trip. Even if it’s just 15 minutes during nap time, try to do something that brings you joy and that was a part of your pre-kids life that you’ve been missing since.
Outsource anything you can and don’t be afraid to ask for help
Where it makes sense for your family and budget, outsource as much as possible. For even more effective stress management, consider outsourcing the tasks you despise. For example, if you love cooking but hate shopping, try grocery delivery. If you hate cooking, try a few prepared meals each week from a service you like. (Some of my clients have discovered that their spouses love to cook, so they’ve taken over the lunch and dinner prep tasks.) Hire someone to clean the house if that works for you (it’s a lifesaver for me, and I sacrificing other things to fit it into our budget) or any other household chores or tasks that add extra stress. See what can be deleted and outsource as much as you can.
Let go of the mommy guilt
I feel like it’s SO easy to feel guilty about so many different things, especially when there are so many…passionate…messages online. Whether you’re one of those working moms with a full-time office job or a part-time work-from-home job, you’re a stay-at-home mom, having a vaginal birth or C-section, breastfeeding your baby, parenting, sleep routines, medical decisions, etc. People have many opinions about how you choose to raise your children. At the end of the day, you have to trust that you are making the best decision for your family and shed as much guilt as you can. (This is something I deal with myself and often feel guilty whenever I have to work or shoot videos and the kids are home.)
See a professional to address hormone and nutrient deficiencies
When I was going through postpartum anxiety and depression, there was a lot going on (a cancer diagnosis in the family and a baby with severe reflux), but I was also dealing with nutrient deficiencies, sleep deprivation (that makes everything worse), and major hormonal imbalances. Once these things were resolved, the dark cloud lifted and I finally started to feel more like myself.
If you feel resentful, I think it’s worth talking to your doctor or functional medicine practitioner. They can work with you to come up with a plan that will help you feel better! I also can’t say enough good things about the treatment. It has helped me in many situations in my life and has been a key factor in managing chronic stress. I can’t say it enough: I am grateful for the kind and experienced therapists out there.
Invest in relationships
Take the time to invest in relationships that are meaningful to you. This is huge for overall health and mental well-being, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed or exhausted. Connect with your tribe and reach out to the ones you love, even if it’s just a quick message to say hello.
Surround yourself with positive and inspiring examples of motherhood
I am so grateful to be surrounded by a group of moms who also love being moms. We can share our hard times with each other, but also cheer each other on. Their positivity and outlook always brings me a dose of positive energy. They inspire me to be a better mom and experience the true joy of motherhood. Try to connect with other moms who will encourage and inspire you, whether they are family, friends or potential friends, and set boundaries to distance yourself from anyone who pulls you down.
On the same note:
Beware of social media. Don’t be afraid to do a social media cleanse or detox.
It took me a while to realize that social media can turn me on on the motherhood front. When I first had Liv, it’s like you weren’t allowed to say that anything was hard or difficult or that you were a *bad mom.* (And I’ve totally been called that, many times, by strangers on the internet.) Now, from on the other hand, if you exude too much happiness, you may be accused of “toxic positivity.”
I feel like a lot of the messaging around motherhood in an attempt to be *real* has ended up being extremely negative on various accounts. One video that stood out to me showed a mom handing her child a plate of alphabet chicken bites that read “f you.” The child clapped and happily ate the nuggets while mom laughed behind the screen. It wasn’t *real* to me. It was hard and I cried after watching the video.
That moment, and many other unfortunate ones like it, made me realize that I needed to be more aware of who I follow on social media. I love following accounts that have moms who share their fun adventures with their kids. While they absolutely share snippets of more difficult experiences, on the whole, they enjoy their family members.
You need to assess the kind of messages you like to see online and act accordingly. Delete accounts that make you feel sad and those that spread negativity, encourage comparison, or are harmful to your mental health. It’s also nice to put the phone on airplane mode for a day or even a few hours whenever you need a time out. 😉
Remember that all stages of motherhood are fleeting
Not too long ago, I would often settle into a certain routine or certain habits and then within a few weeks, everything would change. Now that the kids are older and much more independent, I am constantly aware of how quickly time flies. You don’t have to enjoy every moment (especially when you’re sleep-deprived, covered in milk stains, and recovering from birth), but I think it can be helpful to remember that time really flies. Before you know it, you can ask them to do their homework… and they’ll be doing it… on their own. It’s wild, I tell you.
So tell me, friends: what maternity accounts do you love to follow online?
Any advice on mom burnout or in general?
ho ho
Gina
