Written by: Trish B. Award -winning publisher + Cultural commentator
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In the soft glow of the dedications of Mother’s Day and the Instagram captions that say “it is my everything”, a deeper truth is hidden beneath the surface: for many broken black men, their mother is the only black woman who allows them to love completely, fully forgiven.
Even if they broke their hearts – it’s the only one gets graceful.
But what about black women dating? Those who appear, sacrifice, pray, throw? They often left for emotional oxygen in relationships based on wound bonds, without injuries and bad expectations, these women become silent losses in a war that never started.
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From birth, black boys are often taught that their mother is sacred. It is a personified force. A survivor. The woman who did it all with little help. And while this is powerful, it creates a dangerous depth of a woman.
Becomes: “No one will ever count on her.”
And when this mentality is uncontrollable, it becomes an emotional right. It does not seek love – it requires to be found again.
“He wanted to cook, to clean, to upload, to support his dreams, not to challenge him, and to silence when he hurt me – but when I asked for something back, I became the villain.”
– Anonymous submission, cycle of black women’s treatment
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What is rarely spoken loud is this: some of these men were also injured by their mothers.
Neglect. Personalism. Handling. Excessive dependency. However, despite the wounds, he gets another pass.
But women who love him afterwards? We inherit the weight of what he did not say. We become the battlefield for the unresolved screams of his inner child.
According to a 2022 study of trauma between generations in black communities, 76% of black men admitted that they “often suppress emotions due to childhood experiences”, but only 19% had ever gone to treatment.
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We see it every day – in stages, in songs, in funerals:
“I was a dog in women. But my mom? That was my queen.”
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It is executive, not a transformative.
Because real price? It’s how you talk to us when no one is watching. How do you appear for your partner emotionally. How do you get accountability when you hurt us – not just crying for it and blame your past.
If you can give unconditional thanks to the woman you were born, you can give therapeutic thanks to the woman trying to build a life with you.
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We have finished the rehabilitation centers.
The growing men who refuse to do the internal work has been increased.
We did compete with a pedestal we never asked to go up.
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We should not be mothers before the spouses and let us raise our children on our own.
We are spouses. Warriors. Therapists. Creators. They are not substitutes for the lack of human emotional maturity.
We re -examine the rules. Choosing ourselves. Standard adjustment. And walking away – not in bitterness, but with boldness. Because our love is divine and we refuse to give it to someone who only knows how to worship the past.
Let this be a call – not a cancellation.
For black men: honor your mother, yes. But heal so you can honor us too.
Because until you do it, your mom will be the only woman who ever saw your whole heart – while the rest of us were left with favorite fragments.
And that? Ends now.
