This week I did something that felt maybe a little crazy and stayed, alone, in a treehouse in the woods. I know. The person who scares in her garden.
It’s a testament to how desperately I needed to get away from all the noise and distraction (imminent deadline I still can’t talk about) that I ventured out into the wild alone, risking Blair Witch Project-style scenarios with just a small nail clipper and a laptop charging cable (improvised garrote) for protection. As someone who bars his hotel door from the inside, even when there’s a front desk two floors down and a 24-hour concierge, I can’t believe I willingly took myself to the desert.
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But look? I’ve made this all sound a little creepy. Clear your minds of the Blair Witch stuff, it was just a bit of intro drama, about this tree house, one of the Skylark Treehouses at KIP hides, it was just one of the most amazingly relaxing, beautifully secluded places I’ve ever stayed. Anywhere.
If you long for solitude, if you long for the sound of birdsong and the rustling of trees, forget the hotel break: two nights here, with the open-air bath and fireplace on the deck and the secret passage that weaves through the forest… two nights here and it’s like you’ve had some sort of mind and soul reset. Three nights and you forget there is anything else out there in the world. You know when you have absolutely nothing to do? And you are nothing can I am doing? So you just kind of go dormant, like you’re running on standby instead of actually being turned on?
That’s how Skylark made me feel. And keep in mind, please, that it made me feel this way despite the fact that I was churning out four thousand words a day on my laptop, drinking mostly herbal tea, and only occasionally getting up for a shake and a stretch. In fact, it was the perfect place to beat my I-can’t-mention-yet-deadline word count because it was so completely, wonderfully quiet.
And although half the treehouse was completely outdoors, including a stunning – very photogenic – outdoor kitchen and the aforementioned tub and deck, the bedroom and shower were completely enclosed in a super-insulated, hermetically sealed pod. Huge windows everywhere, huge comfortable bed, but a proper small safe hotel style room with kitchenette (tea, coffee, oven) and large shower cubicle as well as one of the best fitted bathroom windows I’ve seen, high up on the wall so to frame the trees outside but still maintain complete privacy.
Regarding privacy: there are other treehouses (six houses in total) but they are quite far from each other. When I arrived, my heart sank when I heard the faint, muffled tones of someone else’s kids (because who wants to hear other people’s kids when they’re trying to relax?) but when I leaned right out to try and spot them and maybe scare them with a bad glow the treehouse they were in, my nearest neighbor, was really far away. In fact, you can tell how far each one is because the parking spaces in the lane, two for each house, are well spaced.
Here’s how it goes: you arrive at Skylark Treehouses via the entrance lane, then the parking area for each treehouse is signposted with a small emblem. (They email you all the information before you arrive.) Each small parking lot has an electric charging point, which is very convenient if you’re an electric driver and want to recharge while you’re staying. (I’m a new electric car driver and still getting used to the fact that you can’t just pull into any old gas station and fill up. Having a charger at your destination seems like the ultimate world-changing convenience at this point of my life. More exciting, I think, than even an outdoor bath.)
A private corridor leads you down, Swallows and Amazons style, into your treehouse entrance (which locks and lights) and the door opens to the most wonderful little outdoor camp, high up in the trees, completely private and with a roof over the living pieces so it can be in constant use. When I say camping, this doesn’t feel like camping. it’s a campsite, I guess, for those (hello!) who love the smell of the outdoors and enjoy being surrounded by nature, but don’t want to end up in a ditch and need to be within 10 meters of a toilet at all times rinses completely. It looks like the rustic treehouse/camping idyllic, although you’ll find a version of it in Vogue, but deeds like a luxury hotel. All the best materials, expensive appliances, a tub with buttons to open and close (God, how easily am I pleased?) and that gorgeous, stunning outdoor tub. With only the cows in the field watching your soak.
There is a woodburner in the bedroom as well as a radiator so I’m sure this place would be toasty as it is in the winter months but in the summer it’s open doors and an outdoor fire just for the ambiance if you’re into it. I didn’t, because I was there by myself and I’m a perpetual doomsayer and I imagined myself accidentally setting my own hair on fire and having no one to help put it out. Still, it was nice to sit there and listen to the near silence when the birds had gone to sleep. With my Brixham Harbor fish pie, one of the oven-ready freshly cooked meals that the folks at Skylark can deliver to your tree house on your arrival. It was delicious. And very welcome, as I had decided in advance that I didn’t want to cook because it would just be another distraction, so it saved me from having muesli for dinner three nights in a row.
So to recap: you want absolute peace and quiet. You want the luxury feel and attention to detail that a hotel can provide, but you want something more secluded and private. Love the idea of a camping style break, but want a good bed, full plumbing and no wet feeling. You want the Instagrammable “bath under the stars” thing, but you don’t want to hear another soul while lying in it and – finally – you want to enjoy the outdoors but feel safe and secure.
Raffle! I don’t think anyone will regret a few nights here for a full reset. What I liked the most was their contract with very strict rules that you had to agree and sign, promising not to make noise and to respect other guests. Bloody brilliant. You really feel like you are the only guests there – and it was fully booked the nights I stayed.
Prices? From £250 per night. Maybe a bit more than you’d expect if you were going ‘glamping’, but this is definitely not glamping. It is a full hotel suite that is completely private, with the benefit of a large outdoor space that can be used all year round. (There is heating above the dining table and the whole place is carefully lit.) It’s not as expensive as a luxury hotel suite, but that’s what I’d compare it to. Although the materials inside the sealed sleeping area remained quite rustic and of course, just one of the many eco-friendly measures here, the fixtures and fittings were of excellent quality and no expense was spared.
If I hadn’t been left alone, I honestly believe it would have been hard to ever leave. I actually booked another night at the end of my two day review so I think that says it all. The crazy thing was, I didn’t even get out of the treehouse. I couldn’t tell you what half a mile was in any direction, even an eighth of a mile. I just wrote and wrote and wrote. In my escape pod. Exactly what it was.
