A new, awesome era in my online shopping life has begun. Where any remaining bit of self-restraint has been completely banished, where there is an unpleasant feeling that the person at the helm of the Good Ship Buyalot (me) is, in fact, deeply liberated. It’s a bit like that scene where Scar takes his place at Pride Rock (King of Lions reference, go on): you can almost see the skies darken, the hyenas circle, the vultures swoop in. Because I discovered the Vinted app and it will surely lead to my eventual demise.
Maybe not economically, because almost everything I look at on Vinted seems to cost (inexplicably) either four pounds or six and very rarely actually market whatever, but if I keep using the app at my current rate (about a third of the workday), then I’ll almost certainly be malnourished, unemployed, and completely alienated from my entire family by the time the calendar turns to 2025.
How had I not taken Vinted seriously before now? It was because I had scrolled through the lists aimlessly – amateurishly! – watching crumpled, soiled laundry after crumpled, soiled laundry move across the screen before my eyes and getting progressively more frustrated? Here, an Isabel Marant dress is so stained it looks like the Shroud of Turin. there is a pair of Louboutin heels “no red soles and one buckle missing otherwise very good condition”.
I’m not that kind of person and I don’t have the stamina. What I do they do, however, have a very laser-sharp focus on shopping when it comes to finding that “one thing” that’s missing from my wardrobe. (The fact that I tend to find something missing at least every month is inconvenient, but surely at some point the job will get done? The capsule edit will be complete, perfected, and there will be a (comfortable) outfit for every occasion?)
It could be a pair of loose black leather boots that I desire, or a tweed pencil skirt, a masculine jacket or a coat: once I picture myself in that outfit, I can’t shake the mental images from my mind. which follow. The houndstooth coat worn with jeans and sweatpants, or perhaps with a robe on the shoulder over a sequined dress. Me in Paris (when will I ever go to Paris?!) walking through the Marais in my beret and – you guessed it – houndstooth coat. I was sitting outside a cool New York deli with my hunting coat draped neatly in one hand, drinking coffee from a cool coffee cup made from recycled coffee bean husks.
I DON’T EVEN DRINK COFFEE! I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO COFFEE IN MY LIFE!
(This is my problem with fashion and dressing myself in general: I’m completely unrealistic and I dress for a completely different life than the one I actually lead. I dress for a person who doesn’t even exist. All of this takes more time post and a long discussion, but it’s really the root of all my time-wasting fashion forays.)
Anyway, yes. I have this intense shopping focus when I have a must-have wardrobe addition in mind and once I discovered the search filters on Vinted and that I could eliminate 90% of inappropriate items in one quick move, I realized that this whole thing was open to me. new fashion shopping universe. I was no longer limited to the latest trends and “new drops” in online stores: if I wanted a houndstooth coat then the world was my proverbial oyster. I could pick up an M&S number from last season (‘bought this and changed my mind’) or a Max Mara from the 90s. Pure wool, cashmere, belted, oversized, the choices were endless.
And that’s why Vinted is so addictive. You might get thrown three hundred items matching your search for “pink blouse with pussy bow” and waste half an hour just trying to cross-reference the best results in Google Lens. (Have you done this yet? You click the camera icon in the Google search bar, then upload a photo and Google will find matching results. Great if, for example, there’s a dress you’ve seen but don’t know how to make. look at it because the sales list just has it hanging on a hanger or if it’s a pair of sunglasses and you can’t tell if it’s a big size or style.Small and neat.Thanks to my friend and boss Sam Chapman for this one advice, although I’m sure I’m very late to the party.)
And then the pricing – this is what makes Vinted even more addictive. I mean things aren’t universally bargains, but most of the time the items I’m looking at are a tiny, tiny fraction of the brand new purchase price. I had a sheer wool Jigsaw skirt for four euros, in mint condition (pictured above), a Roberto Cavalli silk high-neck blouse (which makes me look like Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen but never mind) for less than an M&S skip and To I am currently putting off a whole host of different silk shirts, woolen coats and cashmere belted coats.
Absolutely in my element.
Of course the downside to all of this is that you can’t return anything and if you’re sitting between two sizes (me, a UK10 and a 12) it can be a real time drain trying to guess if the pants you’ve ordered will be baggy at the knees and it will forever fall down, or it will be too tight in the ass and hold you down.
I have to go. I’ve just had seventeen different email notifications (another downside, I have to look to see if I can turn these notifications off) from sellers offering me their products for even less money – a bouclé skirt reduced from twelve pounds to ten, a YSL dress with fifteen pounds off. It’s like the app is infiltrating my mind. I have to sit in a dark room and procrastinate on these new deals, go through the items over and over and imagine myself wearing them in all kinds of scenarios that will never, ever happen and then fail to buy nothing because I’m worried about not being able to return it…
It’s about time. Vinted nods. And apparently I’ve yet to experience the joys of Vestiaire, which at a quick glance looks like the Harvey Nichols website with all the zeros removed from the prices at random…
Will I make it out alive? Tell me in the comments: are you a Vinted convert? I’m so late to the party that you’re all shaking your heads sadly at me, having already left for the much cooler house party, the one that lasts until 4am and has a DJ who is Totally impressive guy who is in his second year at Central St Martin’s? talk to me
*And please excuse the styling in the photos here. I wouldn’t ideally wear my new pure wool skirt like this (FOUR POUNDS), I was taking a picture of the roll top. Which is actually a leotard. I’m trying it out to see if I can recommend it, but first I need to give it some time to find out how irritating the hitch is.
